So last night, Cora danced for her last time. Well, that might be overly dramatic. The last time before her surgery and quite a while after, at least. It was a beautiful performace that she had choreographed herself with a friend, complete with periwinkle colored dresses and lots of movement and emotion. Very powerful. After the perfomance I waited in the lobby for my dancer who comes to me with tears in her eyes and pain on her face. We held each other tight in the midst of all that chaos and cried. She sobbed from her heart and deep from her soul. I could feel her pain- her knees hurt, her back hurt, but more than anything-her heart hurt. Who knows if she will want to dance again? Dr. Smith tells us she can resume normal activities 6 months after surgery. And he tells me stories of patients that have done back handsprings down his hall after their recovery. But I also know Cora won't bend the same after her surgery. I know she will certainly be moving differently. Who knows what her future holds? This is where our faith comes in to play... I do know she has danced for 12 years. She loves it. And one of the first thoughts we had when we were told about her scoliosis was that she was going to have to quit the dance team. As a Sophomore, Cora had made the high school dance team this year. Complete with competitions, traveling, matching uniforms and 4 hours a day of practice. Kinda a big deal. So I called her dance teacher, Julie, and told her what was happening. I asked if she needed to let Cora's spot on the team go so someone else could fill it. And Julie told me something that taught me a beautiful lesson, "Cora tried out and made the dance team. Fair and square. She is still on the team, even if she can't dance for the school year. We will find a purpose for her." Pretty cool, huh? I've met with all of Coras teachers. We are planning on a week's stay at Primary Childrens Hospital and 30 days of missed school. Thats ALOT of missed school. Cora is a 4.0 student and takes pride in keeping it that way. Having to not be in school will be very hard for her. Every teacher has been so helpful. Her Seminary teacher prayed with us when we told him, her ASL teacher cried with us, and her math teacher tells us with a wink, "I know how to work these things out." Cora and I both left the school knowing she had full permission to use the elevator, leave class early, have someone else carry her backpack, and even lay down on the classroom floor if she can't stand sitting just One.More.Minute. Every step of the way, I see the hand of the Lord clearing things for my girl. He is making her pathway smoother. The stumbling blocks are not removed, nor is this heavy burden being taken from her, but her steps are more sure so she won't trip, her path is being illuminated so she can see ahead, and she has her family to hold her hand so she can have strength and balance through this trial. Cora has taught her self sign language, and how to play the ukelele. She is an extremely talented actress, dancer and singer, she plays the piano beautifully and is a joy to anyone she comes in contact with. I have no doubt that whatever the future hold for her, she will accomplish it with grace, passion, and perfect posture :)
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My kids have always been very healthy. So, I admit, I skip back to school check ups. Unless, of course someone is due for an immunization. I know if they're growing. I know if they're gaining weight or not. I know if they need glasses. But Cora's back hurt. And her knees were hurting. So I figured a check up was in order. Routine pediatrician visit-check the weight, check the height (taller than her older sister!!), heart, lungs, ears and eyes. So I ask him to take a look at Cora's knees. Dancing at summer camp had really taken a toll on her body. She seemed to be achy and in pain alot more than usual. Dr. Knorr has her stand up and bend over (we all remember that from 7th grade scoliosis checks, yes?) Im sitting directly in his line of sight as he scans her back, and there is no mistaking the disturbed look on his face. "Im thinking Cora has scoliosis. It looks like a 20 degree curvature. You need to get this checked out!" He sends us to the hospital immediately for xrays. The hospital technician came out and asked us to call back our doctors office. He felt we had the wrong tests ordered and wanted to make sure we got a full picture of the spine. The technician comes to us and tells us we are all done and are welcome to leave...without showing us the xrays. I feel my "Mama Bear" starting to rise and ask to see the xrays. We are taken into a quiet back room and shown one of the most shocking things Ive ever seen. I snap a picture on my phone and Cora and I turn to leave. I have no idea what just happened. Cora is crying and asking questions and I have no answers. None. The next morning, first thing, I get a call from her pediatrician. "Mrs. Stalder, Im so sorry..." The 20 degree curvature we had assumed was actually and "S" curve with Cobb angles of 55 degrees and 49 degrees. He kindly gives us a phone number of a local spine specialist and wishes us the best of luck. That night I did ALOT of research. I know they say not to consult "Dr. Google" but at that point, that was all I had. I locked myself in my room to make some calls,(no one needs mom more than when shes on an important call). All signs pointed to Dr. John Smith. With rights at Primary Children's Hospital. He could see us the very next day. Dr Smith was very kind, but all business. I think after 30 years you would have to shut yourself off a bit from the emotion of operating on children and just stick to the nuts and bolts. We are told there is no bracing that would help, no therapy, no chiropractor care that can fix her back. Spinal fusion is our only option. So I'll admit, I thought of dollar signs. Can we afford a specialist? What will our insurance say? What do I do now? I had read spinal fusion for scoliosis can cost up to $500,000.00. So, I'll back track. We've had a rough year in the Stalder family. Steve had complete reconstruction of his foot and ankle in the spring, I have an older daughter with chronic daily headaches we've struggled to treat and she was also part of an accident earlier in the summer that we thought had broken her neck. Not to mention ailing parents and being sued (SUED!!)...but that's all another story. Our insurance had really been a blessing to us, but not as much as when I was told we were covered 100% for scoliosis surgery. 100%! I just broke down sobbing to the poor insurance rep on the phone. She probaby doesnt get to give good news very often. So we went home from seeing the surgeon and prayed. And cried. And hugged Cora so tight. And she prayed. And cried. And we all sat there in silence, wondering what in the world we do next. I felt as if we were the only people in the world that had ever delt with this. And then the doorbell rang. She was dressed in a flowy white dress, an older woman. Really not the type of woman you would see showing up on your doorstep to tell you how crappy your driveway looked and that she would like to give you a bid for pouring new concrete. Random, right?? I break down into tears, telling her we just received such bad news and that now wasnt a good time. And this random Concrete Angel puts her hand on my shoulder and says "Do not worry. My daughter of the same age just came throught this same thing with this same surgeon at the same hospital and she is fine. You will all be okay." So, I'll leave it at that. Little miracles. Big miracles. Lots of tears. Lots of questions. I'll continue to write, more for my benefit than yours. But hopefully, there is some sweet kid or mom out there looking for our story and I can help give them some hope. 14 days till surgery... |
AuthorMy name is Kirsty. I am the mom of an amazingly courageous daugher with scoliosis. This is our story. Archives
June 2019
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